I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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