btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
