i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
