I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
