the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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