I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My vagina is officially offended.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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