This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
