It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
