We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How external is "for external use only"?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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