He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
