i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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