she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
