Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
