Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
