We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
