I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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