I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
