I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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