very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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