Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You need Xanax blowdarts
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
