Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
