I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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