Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
