if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
