We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
