I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
