remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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