Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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