If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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