even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
