I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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