no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
