i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
