she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this just has baby written all over it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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