if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
