chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
