I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
