3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
