I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
