dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
