I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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