are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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