you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
