also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
