you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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