Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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