I heard we made out
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
