we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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