you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
