"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't deserve a penis
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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