she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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