ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
